This year's edition will be coming soon so keep your eyes out for that in december. In the meantime, last year's edition can be found on this page
The Yearly Slop 2025
My name is Benjamin Makela and this is my Benny Newspaper where we report the REAL FACTS!!! You ever think about how newspapers are always filled with stupid opinionated pieces? Real news should be unbiased facts about the changing world. That is why I have created NON-STUPID opinionated pieces!
Cinema
Benjamin Makela
What did you think of the hit movie. I thought it was good. I frickin love movies so much. They have pictures and a lot of them. They move fast too. 24 frames per second. That is like 24 pictures every single second. Can you imagine how fast that is? If a picture was a mile long, a movie could show 24 miles every... single... second... That is a lot of miles for just a second. Too many pictures? I think not. Every single piece of fantastic cinema created with blood, sweat, and tears throughout the centuries have come together to form our society. We have been greatly impacted by the movies we watch. People love movies, they love movies. People hate movies, they hate movies. That is why I love and hate movies. They have so much potential and so much dullness to them. The sweet and sour and spicy and bitter movie is always better than the dull movie. This is because movies are good. I saw this movie the other day. It was called Justice League: Justice is Gray. That movie fricking stunk. It was four hours long and it was gray the whole time. Like why would a person make a movie that is gray? We are not living in the frickin' caveman times. Cavemen painted walls with red paint. A picture of red cows is more entertaining than a movie full of gray superheroes. I wish I was as rich as Batman so that I could buy Warner Brothers and fire Zack Snyder twice. That movie should never have made it to the theaters.
MUSIC
Jeremy Van Zandt
Musiv is for people who enmoy listening tho things. It is gyu to listen to ,musin because it is really really exciting. My gavorate musi is is joiurney dont stop believing because it makes me feel really instpired. My secon favorite music is playboy carti I AM MUSIC it makes me feel like i am libing in the past and the future moth at wonce . I loke mousic because it is ecxpiting. The color of music in my life is purlpe That color makes me feel like music is the truest expression of life. Here is my ranking of all of the beatkles albums 12 with the beatels 11 beatles for sale 10 yellow submarine 9 a hard days night 8 please plase me 7 the beatles 6 let it be 5 help 4 rubber spul 3 mahgivsl mystery tour 2 revolver 1 abbey road. That was my rankings. here is my ranking off albums by playboy carti 2 I AM MUSIC 1 Vapm anthem. Listen to Achilles Jones on Spotify it is so exciting and good.
An Unending Requiem
By B Dizz-Nizz
As I stand before the screaming machine I am reminded of the overwhelming viscosity of modern life. I want to scream too. But I don't. I just keep trolling through the sludge. I must.
Click Clock Tick o' da Clock
Benjamin Makela
Clocks tell the time. But that is not the only thing they tell. They are a window into the soul of a person. 1
A Welcome Lapse in Reason
By Bresident Bizznizz
I remember when I saw his face. It was like any other I had seen before.
Unfamiliar. I thought I knew him.
I saw someone else. I thought it was him. That moment was unlike any other. Unfamiliar. I thought I knew him.
SPORTS
Jeremy Van Zandt
Sports are the lifeblood by which sports live and die by. They are the one true power in a world dominated by crazies. They are my father, and my mother too. They killed the earth, but it kept on spinning. My favorite sport is baseball. My second favorite is sporting a pair of jeans. I like to strut my stuff. Jimmy Butler. Sports are the one that saves the life of the world but then throws it off the building at the end of the movie. That is the truth of life when you get down to the nitty gritty of time in the big life. In the spotlight, we are but ants in a little world that is big enough for ants. I know that when I am watching horse races, that the horses truly enjoy life. That is my truth within itself. As JFK once said about Football, “Politics is like football. If you see daylight, go through the hole."
THE IMPORTANCE OF MANNERS
Jeremy Van Zandt
Not enough people in this world say please and thank you. Peas and tank you, would you say? I just might! Say thank you to people who do wonderful things to and at you. It is only right that you do that for them. They will like it and if they don't then they are in the wrong and have to say sorry. You should say sorry when you are in the wrong. Otherwise you will burn when you are gone and nobody will remember you. Manners are the most important because if you don't practice them then you will die a sad, lonely, evil, sick, twisted, horrible, lame, mad, person. The other day I went to the grocery store and the person behind the counter seemed like they didn't even want to talk to me. That hurt my feelings so I let them know that they would die alone, and then they started crying. I was appalled that someone could be so tasteless. I left that day without leaving a tip. It was the right thing to do. If you don't punish those who hurt you, they will hurt you again. Miley Cirus is evil. She was very rude to me when she was having a concert, and did not thank me for coming. I was sitting in the third row and making eye contact, but she did not engage me in conversation. I am officially calling to boycott Miley Cyrus. She does not deserve to have money and fame. I should have her money and fame. I have manners. I would learn the name of everyone in attendance for my concerts. It would create a much more comfortable atmosphere where people do not feel the need to scream.
If I was famous, my mother would be my number one fan. She would support me until the end, because I have manners. Those without manners are incapable of truly discerning who is a real human being with real lungs. Some people aren't. I'm convinced of it. Most famous people are so fake that they don't even have lungs. Those are the true evils of the world. They don't know how to say thank you and please and I'm sorry because they were not taught that way. They were only taught how to breathe without lungs. That is because they are not real people and don't have real lungs. I am convinced, and I am the only one who knows the truth about famous people. You must accept that I am correct, because I have manners. If you do not accept my truth then you will have no manners. If you have no manners then you will burn after you are gone and nobody will remember you. When you are dead and gone, your life will no longer be in your hands. The celebrity fake people are controlling your minds and if you disagree then you probably don't say please or thank you or I'm sorry. Manners are important because they are the only way to tell who is real. If you smoke cigarettes then you are fake because the fakes don't have lungs so they don't care about that sort of thing. That is why people are always smoking in the movies. The celebrities like Jim Carrey and Michael Cera don't have lungs so they will be fine. However, when you try to emulate them you will be hurt and maybe killed by the evil fake person cigarette. This is why manners are important. They will save you from being killed and burning and dying and drowning. Evil is everywhere. Keep a close eye out at all times.
Acknowledgements
Benjamin Makela
Jeremy Van Zandt
Brendan Van Zandt
Ardshir Lindstrom
Rat
Alec Metcalf
Gordon Schmidt
Kai Perrino
Mercina Hondl